


Love Letters - Klance Angst/Deathfic

by GoldenStardust



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender, klance - Fandom
Genre: After Keith dies, Angst, Deathfic, Depressed Keith (Voltron), Gen, Guilty Lance (Voltron), Hinting Shilura, Homophobic foster parents, Keith (Voltron) Angst, Keith (Voltron) Dies, Keith (Voltron) is Bad at Feelings, Love Letters, M/M, Multi, Oblivious Lance (Voltron), Orphan Keith (Voltron), Pining Keith (Voltron), Scared Keith (Voltron), Self-Harm, Strong Language, Suicide, Talks about Abuse, greif, klance angst, talks about depression
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-15
Updated: 2017-12-16
Packaged: 2019-02-14 23:21:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13018350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GoldenStardust/pseuds/GoldenStardust
Summary: "At first, nobody believed the Blade member that had come to the ship to deliver Keith’s belongings, including his helmet and bayard. Especially because of the story that went with his supplies.“It was a dangerous mission, he knew this,” the member said to them. “We made sure he knew that. But he took it anyways.”“He.. he was flying a ship, alone. He requested to go alone, something about being less noticeable if there was only one person on one ship, and we tried to contact him, but he did not pick any communication devices.So, when he didn't come back, we went searching. We found his ship, and it looked like it had been invaded by some Galra soldiers, and we found him there, on the floor.”Because the team had been reluctant to believe such news, they took the box and went on with their normal life, nothing really clicking yet.The box had laid in Keith’s room, untouched since the Blade visit. Nobody thought about it, nor wanted to think about it. But it had to happen, people did eventually start to realize that Keith was actually gone, and he wasn't coming back now. Ever.He was dead."





	1. The First Discovery

**Author's Note:**

> First Deathfic/Angst fic, so I'm exited!  
> My main goal for this fix is to make at least a couple people cry, because I think that tears are the highest praise a story can get. 
> 
> Please enjoy!
> 
> !!!Trigger warnings: Suicide, self-harm, homophobics, meantions of abuse, depression (may add more later)!!!

It had been two weeks since Keith had died.

At first, nobody believed the Blade member that had come to the ship to deliver Keith’s belongings, including his helmet and bayard. They never believed that Keith, _their Keith_ , could have died. Especially because of the story that went with his supplies.

“It was a dangerous mission, he knew this,” the member said to them. “We made sure he knew that. But he took it anyways.”

“He.. he was flying a ship, alone. He requested to go alone, something about being less noticeable if there was only one person on one ship, and we tried to contact him, but he did not pick any communication devices.

So, when he didn't come back, we went searching. We found his ship, and it looked like it had been invaded by some Galra soldiers, and we found him there, on the floor, um… dead.”

Because the team had been reluctant to believe such news, they took the box and went on with their normal life, nothing really clicking yet.

The box had laid in Keith’s room, untouched since the Blade visit. Nobody thought about it, nor wanted to think about it. But it had to happen, people did eventually start to realize that Keith was actually gone, and he wasn't coming back now. Ever.

_He was dead._

_Keith was actually dead._

Shiro was the first one for it to actually click.

He didn't do anything drastic, like lock himself in his room (like others would soon do). He couldn't do that, he was supposed to be a leader, and even if he was devastated, he needed to make sure him and his team stayed strong.

Instead, there were changes in how he actually acted. Shiro became much quieter, and not nearly as quick and prepared as before. The Paladins also noticed how tired he began to look, and after many sleepless nights spent quietly sobbing over the dead Red Paladin, it made sense.

The others seemed to catch on to what was wrong, without Shiro even having to speak with them about it. Nobody spoke about it. Everything just became… quieter. Everyone noticed it.

Lance was no longer bickering with Keith, because Keith wasn't even around. No longer complaining about how he had just up and left the team, no questions asked. He was much, much quieter in general too, not making many jokes or even flirting.

Hunk was no longer talking about some of the adventures Keith had been having, because he was the only one who would really talk to him when he would visit them. Everyone else was too upset with him for leaving the group, but, Hunk (being the big teddy bear he was,) would always forgive Keith and talk to him.

Pidge was no longer making their conspiracy theories with Keith about everything. Lotor, planets, how Shiro was ever going to talk to Allura about his feeling toward her. No more discussing the knife he had, no more building dumb gadgets and laughing at whatever useless task it did.

Even Allura and Coran began to change, but not as much. Coran still tried to stay positive to motivate everyone, and Allura tried to be as calm as possible.

Nobody had spoken directly about the death yet, though.

That is, until Pidge snapped and punched a wall (which they successfully made a small intent in).

“ ** _We didn't even get to say goodbye!_** ” They had screamed, drawing in the attention of the others as they crumbled to the floor. “I spent so long, _so **goddamn** long_ , trying to find my _own_ brother, and just when I finally have, _Keith_ decides to die! That **_asshole_**!”

Hunk was first to join Pidge on the ground, pulling them into a much-needed hug. Pidge sobbed into his shoulder, which Hunk replied with rubbing gentle circles on their back. Lance and Shiro also met the two on the floor, kneeling down as well. Lance was already crying, the tears that he had been holding back for two weeks finally breaking through. Hunk too had started to silently cry while holding Pidge, and even Shiro’s eyes were glossy and moist. Allura and Coran were right beside the four Paladins, heads bowed in apology and sorrow.

After a good amount of time, -none of them knew how long, it only felt like a few moments, but it could have very well been hours,- the silent crying session came to an end. Hunk ended up carrying a sleeping Pidge to their room, everyone else following to their own room in the process. Everyone was sure to steal a few glances at the empty room of the Red Paladin on their way to bed.

  
\---

  
The next morning came too quickly for everyone. Pidge mentioned multiple times how horrible they felt after falling asleep crying, and Hunk wasn't doing much better. From the shade of the rings under Shiro’s eyes, it seemed as if he had gotten no sleep the previous night, which was probably true, and Lance was nowhere to be found.

Nobody paid this any mind, until it was day three and Lance had not been spotted. They had made multiple attempts to get through to him, Hunk even left food at his door so he could eat, which turned out to be a fruitless effort.

Lance would leave his room for nothing and nobody.

Until, that is, Shiro decided to go through Keith’s belongings and clean out his room. He figured the team should at least know what they have left of the beloved Red Paladin.

There was nothing really very special, just a few articles of clothing, a few abandoned books, a couple random space gadgets from Pidge. In the very bottom, however, there was a single, black book, and upon further investigation, he realized it was a journal. Shiro decided against reading it, for a few reasons. The main one being that he was afraid that if he _did_ read it, he would start crying.

Shiro turned to search the desk.

There was nothing in the first three drawers, but in the bottom left drawer, it was _filled_ with letters. All of which were addressed to Lance.

Shiro knew that this was not his place to snoop, so he went to Lance’s room with the actual drawer full of letters from Keith’s room and knocked on the door. With only a muffled groan as a response, Shiro knew this would take a little bit of time.

“Lance, it's me, Shiro. I know you're not exactly at your best right now, but this is important.”

…

“Lance, please.”

Nothing.

“It’s about, um, _Keith_.”

There was a slight shuffling, but afterwards, silence.

“Look, Lance, I was cleaning his room out, and when I got to his desk, there was this whole drawer full of letters, and they're all addressed to you, so I figured you might want to read them. I don't know what they're for, or what they're about, but if Keith had wanted to give these to you, then I shouldn't be reading them.”

Shiro sighed when Lance still didn't give any sort of indication that he was listening.

“I... I'm just going to leave these out here for now. Oh, and also, please… come out soon. Everybody is really worried, Lance, and you haven't even eaten anything, and we really need you around again. We already lost Keith, and now… _it's almost like we lost you too_ ,” he whispered softly, placing the wooden drawer on the ground.

“We miss you.”

And finally, Lance was alone again. Sitting against his room door, blocking anyone who tried to enter. After a few moments of nothing, he sighed, stood up, and let the door slide open, revealing the box. He hesitantly pulled it into his room, surprised by the amount of weight in the box. Well, there _were_ a lot of letters, and just like Shiro had said, they were all for him. Lance picked one up out of the box, inspecting it

It was an Earth envelope. And a pretty old one, at that. Not one of those ones that you can pull the tab from and it's already sticky, but the type where you lick and it sticks. There was also a… wax seal? Yeah, that's what they were called. A wax seal on every letter. How did he even manage to get ahold of a wax seal?

Although, it _did_ seem like a Keith thing to do. Not just write a letter, but write fifty of them, and decorating all of those with proper wax seals. Keith was always, well… extra. And Lance had hated dealing with the overachieving bastard that Keith was.

But, of course, that was when he had still been alive.

Since Keith had died, Lance took the time locked in his room to reflect on everything. When he had been alive, Lance had originally thought he was nothing but obnoxious. Always doing everything he needed to, and always doing it perfectly- never making any mistakes. He was just so… _perfect_. But he was also so stubborn and cold all the time, but nobody seemed to care _except_ Lance. He had hated Keith at the Garrison, and on the ship, but he had grown to at least tolerate his personality. He'd opened up a little bit to them, told them a little bit about his past, like how he'd been an orphan and was constantly switching between foster families growing up. Lance had ended up feeling a little bad for him, never having a proper family and all. Lance himself had a huge family, and was almost never alone, but it seemed like Keith was always alone. Sometimes he had asked for alone time, sometimes nobody really went to see him.

During his reflection, Lance realized that he should've seen Keith more. Should've tried to be nicer, not made such a big deal about their “rivalry” or whatever.

Because, Lance had found out, that he was really sad now that Keith died. It surprised him, to be honest. He thought that, yeah, he might be a little sad when he had died, but he'd figure that wouldn't be for a long time until then, and that he would've lost touch with Keith at that point. To be perfectly honest, he hadn't thought that much about “What if Keith died?” It made him feel guilty, because he had thought for hours about what would happen if one of the other Paladins had died. Even Allura and Coran, he has thought about them more than Keith.

But none of that mattered now, because, whether he like it or not, Keith was dead.

But Lance missed him. He didn't realize how much he liked to be around him, when he wasn't being an asshole, of course. He regretted all the teasing he put Keith through, all of which had just come from anger that he was always better than Lance could be. He had even noticed that Keith had become quieter around Lance, especially when it was just them, only talking when he had to. Even then, he had seemed nervous to talk, but it didn't make Lance cut back. In fact, being so quiet probably let Lance tease him even more. It had felt good at the time, but now just he felt guilty.

Keith didn't deserve that.  
Nobody deserved that.

Lance flipped the envelope for over, inspecting it more. It seemed old, the actual paper used just starting to become brittle. “Lance” was written in bold letters on the front, in Keith’s distinctive handwriting. He hadn't seen it in a long time, Lance felt more sadness building in the back of his mind. On the corner of the envelope, there was the number seventeen in a small circle. Lance’s brow crinkled, and looked back to the box, noticing that all of the letters had numbers.

After a minute to file through the letters, he eventually found number one, unity a finger to rip through the paper. Pulling out a folded paper, Lance began to read.

 

_“Dear Lance-_

_Wow, this is new. Um, I guess I should start from the beginning, back at the Garrison._

_I know you weren't always a big fan of me, back then, and kind of right now, I guess. I'm not exactly sure what I've done to upset you, and why I'm so annoying to you. Maybe I took your seat or something? Did I maybe crash your ship in training? What did I do?_  
  
_Well, that doesn't really matter now, I guess._

_But I wanted to apologize for whatever I did. I'm sorry, I'm really, really sorry, and I promise I can fix it and do whatever I need to do to make things better. I don't want you to be mad at me anymore. I don't like it, and it makes me feel really bad and guilty because I don't know what exactly I did and I want things to be better between us. The whole “rivalry” we have is kind of annoying to me, but we can still keep it if you want it to stay!_

_Sorry, sorry, I'm bad with words. I just... I want you to be happy, but I don't really know what to say, like you always do. But… I, um, I want to be better friends, I guess? Sorry, again._

_But maybe we can talk later or something? Please? I kind of want to learn more about what I've done to make you upset with me, so I can fix it, but first I need to know what happened._

_Just, come find me when you get this, okay? Maybe?_

_Uh, thanks, I guess._

_Keith._ ”

 

Lance’s eyebrow quirked.

_What did this mean?_


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A few discoveries are made, revealing a story that Lance has been oblivious to for the last eight months of being in space, even when the story was right in front of him, being played out by a beloved previous Padalin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings: None for this chapter?  
> Hope you enjoy!

_“Dear Lance-_

_Second letter. Alright._

_I guess if you're reading this letter, that means things went well with the first letter. I'm writing these all at the same time, so I'm not exactly sure if things go the way I want to._

_But hopefully things are great now! Or at least better, I guess. Hopefully we're friends now? Maybe not yet, maybe it's too early for that. I'd like to at least drop the rivalry thing, if you were okay with that, of course. I don't want to try and compete for everything with you, it's not fun._

_I'd like to apologize, too. I'm really sorry you're just getting letters from me, but I don't think I could really talk to you about this sort of thing. Like I said, I'm really bad with words and stuff, so outright saying these things would be a disaster. I need time to plan out what I'm going to say and make a structure, so I write letters. It's better for both of us, trust me._

_Anyways, I wanted to asking something of you. Um, again. Please. Sorry. I know I’m being needy, and, uh, I’m sorry about that… But it’s not something bad or anything!_

_I just wanted to maybe hang out sometime, maybe? Like, I don’t know. We can ask Allura if we could maybe go to some peaceful planet or something, so we could try and bond some, maybe help our friendship grow._

_Friendship? Is that even the right word? I don’t know, hopefully._

_Sorry again, I know this is probably really annoying, but it took lot to even write these letters, and (probably) a whole hell of a lot more to give these to you, so maybe if you could? Thanks, again. And, sorry. Again._

_Keith.”_

This letter confused Lance even more.

He had thought that Keith was some stone-cold, unfeeling douchebag of a human, but these letters made him sound so… vulnerable? Feeling? Something other than his previous vision of Keith, something much softer and more nervous.

But it didn’t make sense.

When they were at the Garrison together, Keith wasn’t nearly this soft. He had seen Keith when he thought nobody was looking, and he was like what his original version was like. Cold, perfect, isolated. Not this solf, emotional, more _human_ version of Keith.

There had to be more to this story. After a moment of blank staring at the letter, Lance pulled himself to his feet and padded out of the room, dropping the letter on his bed on his way out.

Lance considered what he should do first. He could go to see if he could find anything in Keith’s room, something that could help him piece together what had happened to the poor boy. Or, he could go see everyone else. He had ignored their pleas and desperate cries for him to come out, but they had been echoing through his head for the three days he had been locked away. He wasn’t hungry, but he knew he probably should, that he probably needed to eat. And, after Shiro’s “talk” (if you could even call it that- he did all of the talking himself), Lance felt like his team needed him. That he needed his team.

Lance could realize that after something as horrible as a Padalin dying, teams needed to not be ripped apart, but drawn together, gaining the love and support they may have lost back from each other.

Lance looked up to see himself standing in the doorway of the common room. When had he come here? Oh, well, he was here now, so he may as well see everyone.

Nobody had seen Lance come in, however. They were all looking down at a table filled with Keith’s stuff, some of them fiddling with an item. As Lance silently walked further into the room, he could see the gloss over Pidge and Hunk’s cheeks from tears, and the shine in Shiro, Allura and Coran’s eyes. They were all silent, only the the occasional clink or crumple of an item filling the empty air.

Lance pulled at an empty seat in next to Pidge, earning a glance from said person.

 _"_ **Lance!** "

They practically threw themselves on Lance after slamming the item down, tears flooding their vision. Lance gratefully accepted the hug, and by now, Hunk had joined the two in embrace, with the others not far behind. After at least a full minutes of quiet hugging, people began to break away. Pidge, however, did not.

_“We missed you…”_

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry…” Lance whimpered, wiping his own eyes. “I know I shouldn’t have blocked you guys out. But I was so sad, and I don’t even know why. I know you all had such special bonds with Keith, and… and I didn’t, so I feel so selfish for being upset, when I really shouldn’t be, and… and-“

“Lance,” Shiro cut Lance off. “It’s okay if you miss Keith, even if you weren’t as close with him as we were. You’re still allowed to have feelings.” His voice cracked somewhere in the midst of his shpeel, but it was missed in the noise of sobs from Lance and Pidge, and small ones from Hunk.

“I’m sorry… I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have locked you out, it was so horrible of me, and I’m sorry…” Lance just continued to sob.

It took a few minutes for everyone to calm down, but it eventually did happen. Lance kept apologizing, and everyone tried to make him stop, saying it was okay, but he didn't take it. After a good hour or so, everyone had gone back to looking through Keith’s stuff.

Pidge was fiddling with one of their old machines that they had made with Keith. They let him paint his red voltron symbol on the robot, and Pidge had learned that Keith was actually a pretty good artist. Pidge had been enthusiastic to get Keith to share his talent with the team, but he had quickly become flustered and rejected the idea. They weren't exactly sure what had happened back then, but they didn't press it. Maybe they had, maybe _if_ they had, things would be different now. It seemed like a long shot, but who knew?

Hunk was looking through some of the photos that Keith had kept with him when he had gone to the Blade. One was of him and Shiro, which he had already given to him, successfully getting Shiro to cry. There was a newer one, which Allura had given everyone a copy of, which was of all of them. Apparently Alteans had a very similar camera to an Earth’s Polaroid. That photo was also stained with tears, most of which coming from Hunk himself.

Shiro was clutching the crumpled photo in his shaking hand, trying his hardest to will the tears leaking from his eyes to go away. It wasn't working that well. He had loved Keith like a little brother, and now that he was gone, it was like the world was falling from underneath of him. He had loved Keith and trusted him when nobody else would. He felt that he was responsible for Keith being dead. He had known how much Keith relied on Shiro and how much his option affected the way he acted, yet he still was mad at him so much.

 _He_ was the one who had put the weight of becoming the Black Paladin on him, and _he_ had been the one to get mad at Keith when he didn’t do a good job at this task. Keith hadn’t chosen to be the Black Paladin, but he was forced to and shunned for not doing a good enough job by the one person he was actually close to. It was Shiro’s fault. He knew it was, disputed what the others might say. It was all him.

Then Lance.   
Oh, Lance.

He was in his own corner, crying onto Keith’s helmet. This was _Keith's_ helmet, the one that Lance had studied, the one that Lance had grown to hate, then eventually grown to tolerate. He wished he could've had more time to study that helmet. More time to learn to like it, more time to try and become friends with this helmet. More time to even just _talk_ to that helmet, maybe try to convince that helmet to stay with Voltron.

But, now it was an empty helmet. A hollow shell of what used to be, of a paladin that will be missed.

A paladin that Lance wished he could've saved.

What probably made all of them hurt the most was how upset they were with Keith when he had died. Hell, excluding Hunk, none of them would even _talk_ to Keith most of the time. And that was when he was _visiting_. He visited them, on his own free time, and they all just pushed him away. All too selfish to think about how it could've made him feel. Because, to be perfectly honest, nobody had really cared about how Keith felt. They all cared about each other, but not Keith.

Keith may have been some golden boy, but he also was a lonely, unloved golden boy.

Or, that's what it seemed like, anyways.

Book. A black book. Lance saw a black book on the table. He delicately placed the red, tear-stained helmet down and reached out for the book, undoing the snap keeping it shut. He flipped it open to the first page, quickly recognizing the handwriting. **_Keith_**. This was Keith's book.

 

 

_"September 6, 2076._

_I guess this should be considered my first entry, but I can't really call it that. I got this journal at the space mall, after leaving my old one on Earth. Oh well, what are you going to do? I have another one now, so it doesn't matter._

_But, since this is a new book, I guess I should write some about myself? Maybe? Sure, that sounds good._

_My name is Keith Kogane, I am seventeen years old, and the Red Paladin of Voltron. Voltron is this giant robotic, um, thing, made of slightly less giant robotic lions. As you could probably tell, I am the pilot of the red lion. I don't think she actually has a real name, but I just call her Red. I think everyone calls their lions by its color, but who knows. Knowing Lance, he probably gave his lion a full, proper name. Seems like something he would do._

_I should probably also talk about the other Paladins. Well, first there's Pidge. Pidge is the Green Paladin, and, of course, pilots the green lion. They're an arm of Voltron with me, and also super techy. They're still pretty cool, though. Sometimes we’ll hang out together and build little robots or whatever. One time we built one that sounded like an air horn and scared the hell out of Allura. That was the hardest I've laughed for a long time._

_Then there's Hunk, Pidge’s good friend. He's also really techy, but also an **amazing**  cook. Oh, also the pilot of the yellow lion. Normally we only eat this weird green space goo, but sometimes Hunk gets ahold of some sort of food from alien planets, and the food he makes is **delicious**. I honestly don't think any of us would still be alive right now if we didn't have any of Hunks food. He's also pretty cool to be around. Kind of really touchy-feely, but he's still a good guy, always fun to talk to._

_There's Shiro. Shiro is the closest I've ever gone to, well, anybody. And, when he was gone in space? Jesus, that really fucked me up. My world may have fallen apart. He's our leader, the head of Voltron, pilot of the black lion. That's all I'm going to say._

_And, finally, Lance. Lance is the pilot of the blue lion, and… to be honest, I can't figure him out. He really, really doesn't like me. And I have no idea why. He.. um, I think we kind of talked about this before, like, a little? But, honestly, I don't know. He seems to really have it out for me, and it's really annoying, but it also kinda makes me sad? Is sad the right word? Let's just say, I want to be at least be friends with him or something, really anything other than rivals. That's what we are, right? Rivals?_

_I'm not sure. He just seems to really hate me for reasons that I'm not exactly aware of. It kind of ticks me off, and it kind of makes me want to cry._

_God, this got personal._

_That's all, I'll write me tomorrow._ "

 

 

No.

  
No, no, no.

  
This wasn't just a _book_.

  
This was a _journal_.

 


End file.
